With wedding season just around the corner, brides and grooms are busy picking out their rings, dresses, food, and venue. We thought it would be fun to look back and take a closer look at Victorian America, and how some of these aspects that brides and grooms are looking at now could parallel with back then. Though only one of the Bellamy daughters ended up married, several sons tied the knot, and it is very likely that the family attended many weddings given their high wealth and status in Wilmington.
The Courtship
Before a wedding could take place, a courtship began. Between the months of April and July, new couples would start off their courtship under the watchful eye of a chaperone, usually a female family member. The couple would meet together, but only speak and perhaps share a walk on a sunny day. When the courtship was successful, an engagement followed which lasted between 6 months and 2 years. This stark contrast to modern dating was meant strictly as a predecessor to an impending marriage that would eventually happen. After all of the formalities were completed, wedding planning could commence!
The Ring
The phrase “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” applied in the Victorian Era, and maybe even more so than today. In addition to wearing jewelry, mostly which was a gift from her now husband, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for the Victorian bride to wear a dazzling tiara depending on the family’s financial status. Gorgeous gemstones also became more and more popular in this era. Rings in gold and silver with intricate bands containing elaborate designs sometimes featuring animals like snakes were popular among those who could afford them. Similar to today in western culture, the more jewelry one owned, and the better the quality, the higher one's social status.
The Courtship
Before a wedding could take place, a courtship began. Between the months of April and July, new couples would start off their courtship under the watchful eye of a chaperone, usually a female family member. The couple would meet together, but only speak and perhaps share a walk on a sunny day. When the courtship was successful, an engagement followed which lasted between 6 months and 2 years. This stark contrast to modern dating was meant strictly as a predecessor to an impending marriage that would eventually happen. After all of the formalities were completed, wedding planning could commence!
The Ring
The phrase “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” applied in the Victorian Era, and maybe even more so than today. In addition to wearing jewelry, mostly which was a gift from her now husband, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for the Victorian bride to wear a dazzling tiara depending on the family’s financial status. Gorgeous gemstones also became more and more popular in this era. Rings in gold and silver with intricate bands containing elaborate designs sometimes featuring animals like snakes were popular among those who could afford them. Similar to today in western culture, the more jewelry one owned, and the better the quality, the higher one's social status.
The Dress
Brides today focus on finding that perfect dress to wear to their wedding. Whether it be sleeveless, sequined, have lace or have an open back, the dress is often the main showcase of the wedding. Today, that dress will typically come in a shade of white or ivory. This fact was the same for our Victorian Era brides. It wasn’t until after Queen Victoria got married in 1840 that the idea of having the color white on your wedding dress became extremely popular. Much like today, it is popular to style yourself after the royals. For example, look how Meghan Markle's wedding dress style flew off the racks!
The bride pictured below on the left is wearing a white gown, however it is still laced with red, flowery vines. Color combinations such as white with a pop of red flowers or lace were popular in the Victorian Era, and could even be seen as a prediction on what was to come for the wedding dresses we see today. Much like the bride in the photo below, it is a trend to add floral patterns or lace to the wedding dress today.
The bride pictured below on the left is wearing a white gown, however it is still laced with red, flowery vines. Color combinations such as white with a pop of red flowers or lace were popular in the Victorian Era, and could even be seen as a prediction on what was to come for the wedding dresses we see today. Much like the bride in the photo below, it is a trend to add floral patterns or lace to the wedding dress today.
 Victorian bride wearing an ivory dress with pops of red floral and lace |  Queen Victoria wearing the white dress that started the trend still used today. Dress also covered in floral pattern with lace sleeves |
The Food
For many couples today (and their guests), food and catering are one of the most important parts of the big day. This was no different in Victorian Era America. In those days, wedding receptions were known as “wedding breakfasts” regardless of what time of day the wedding was held. Here, the food that was served also was a sign of social status. If a family had just come into their wealth (considered “New Money”), the food was more abundant and elaborate. However, if the family was more established in society, they did not need to go through the process of preparing large meals for their wedding guests. Their wealth was already known, so it was considered rude to show off with an abundance of food. However, the food that was served was always delicious and well prepared, such as pastries, tea, and other snack-like items. One element that was always elaborate and often times over the top was the wedding cake. Like the white wedding dress worn by Queen Victoria, the elaborate wedding cakes we have today can be attributed to her. Not only did her cake show wealth, but also a rebellion of traditional one tiered cakes common during this time, and also featured an elaborate cake topper.
Queen Victoria's wedding cake (1840)
In her memoir Back With The Tide, Ellen Bellamy remembers the family celebrating the wedding of 2 cousins in the mansion. She describes this saying, “I can remember how beautiful everything was, especially the long table set in the dining room laden with everything conceivably good!" (Bellamy 39). She goes on to describe what was served saying, “Hot food and drink brought on from the kitchen across the hall. My father being such a strict temperance man, would have no cocktails (unheard of in those days but now an introduction to every feast) or any strong drink, not even wine—but plenty of coffee, tea, and chocolates (Bellamy 39). Since this celebration wasn’t the actual weddings of her cousins, it is hard to say what social rules the family followed during this party. However, considering that Ellen was only about eight at the time of these "wedding celebrations," the fact that she remembers anything at all suggests that it was an elaborate enough affair to stick in her memory for decades.
The Utensils
For those families who were proving their wealth and had an abundance of food to be served at the wedding breakfast, table utensils were absolutely vital. For those who were wealthier, utensil sets were often given as gifts. Regardless of what financial scenario a family was in, table utensils were very popular in the Victorian Era. For "New Money" families, these sets would be out in full force on wedding day. Beautiful, articulately designed silverware to be used for particular foods were common and collected. Silverware sets were sold for a high price, so collecting various different sets was a sign of wealth. Each piece was designed for a particular purpose. For example, a table may have many different fork-like objects however, only one fork was designed for strictly ice cream, while another fork would be only for pastries. The incorrect usage of any of these utensils was not only considered rude, but also an indicator to bad social standing. That being said, a wedding was a very important place to make sure you were all caught up on the current table manners.
Examples of various fork-like silverware options The Etiquette
Victorian etiquette book In addition to the proper use of utensils, there were other social mores developing around celebrations and feasting in this era some of which remain germane today, and many others which we would consider archaic or even rude by today's standards. What was considered polite was always changing, so luckily for people back then, a trusty etiquette book would help keep you from embarrassing yourself at a wedding or other social events. These books would list out some of the rules as followed: In the Victorian Era, it was extremely improper for guests to speak to any sort of servant at all, not even to share a compliment about the food. In addition to this rule, it was also improper for the bride and the groom to sit down while their guests were standing up. It was also the Victorian Era that brought on the infamous rule of keeping one's elbows off the table. Elbows on the table was considered one of the worst possible manners a person could have.
Interestingly enough, today, it is considered extremely rude to completely ignore the paid help, yet at the same time the idea of elbows on the table has slightly relaxed around the country. Thankfully, you are unlikely to be more or less shunned from society and party going if you find yourself accidentally resting your elbows on the dinner table in most circumstances.
Interestingly enough, today, it is considered extremely rude to completely ignore the paid help, yet at the same time the idea of elbows on the table has slightly relaxed around the country. Thankfully, you are unlikely to be more or less shunned from society and party going if you find yourself accidentally resting your elbows on the dinner table in most circumstances.
Though it feels like so long ago, several traditions and customs of Victorian Era America have carried over into the wedding traditions that we know today. From the dress, to the rings, it is easy to see where our traditions came from. One main factor that still reigns as true in society today as it did in society back then is that money plays a critical role in how the wedding ceremony is shown.
Written by UNCW English Student and Bellamy Intern, Hailey Morrison
Works Cited
Bellamy, Douglas Ellen. Back With The Tide, edited by Janet K Seapker, Bellamy Mansion Museum of History and Design Arts, 2002.
Cordea, Otilia Diana.“The Victorian Household and Its Mistresses: Social Stereotypes and Responsibilities.” Journal of Humanistic and Social Studies. 2011.
https://doaj.org/article/811e9714d6cc421b97c37115605c2d25
Stewart, Claire. "ALL IN GOOD TASTE: THE VICTORIAN WEDDING BREAKFAST." Phi Kappa Phi Forum, vol. 97, no. 3, 2017, p. 20+. Gale General OneFile, https://link-gale- com.liblink.uncw.edu/apps/doc/A512184828/ITOF?u=wilm99594&sid=ITOF&xid=8fb6a8fe. Accessed 3 Feb. 2020.
Turner, Noel. American Silver Flatware. South Brunswick, A.S. Barnes, 1972.
“Victorian Betrothal Rings, Victorian Era Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings.” , Victorian Era Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings, victorian-era.org/victorian-betrothal-rings.html.
“Victorian Wedding Fashion – 27 Stunning Vintage Photos of Brides Before 1900.” TheMindCircle, 25 Dec. 2019, themindcircle.com/victorian-wedding-fashion/.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftrc-leiden.nl%2Ftrc-needles%2Findividual-textiles-and-textile-types%2Fsecular-ceremonies-and-rituals%2Fqueen-victorias-wedding-lace&psig=AOvVaw1acQvgw0TGlX9MgDuZ4LJg&ust=1581442118741000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAMQjB1qFwoTCOiGlJbBx-cCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAO
https://daily.jstor.org/englands-obsession-with-queen-victorias-wedding-cake/
Works Cited
Bellamy, Douglas Ellen. Back With The Tide, edited by Janet K Seapker, Bellamy Mansion Museum of History and Design Arts, 2002.
Cordea, Otilia Diana.“The Victorian Household and Its Mistresses: Social Stereotypes and Responsibilities.” Journal of Humanistic and Social Studies. 2011.
https://doaj.org/article/811e9714d6cc421b97c37115605c2d25
Stewart, Claire. "ALL IN GOOD TASTE: THE VICTORIAN WEDDING BREAKFAST." Phi Kappa Phi Forum, vol. 97, no. 3, 2017, p. 20+. Gale General OneFile, https://link-gale- com.liblink.uncw.edu/apps/doc/A512184828/ITOF?u=wilm99594&sid=ITOF&xid=8fb6a8fe. Accessed 3 Feb. 2020.
Turner, Noel. American Silver Flatware. South Brunswick, A.S. Barnes, 1972.
“Victorian Betrothal Rings, Victorian Era Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings.” , Victorian Era Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings, victorian-era.org/victorian-betrothal-rings.html.
“Victorian Wedding Fashion – 27 Stunning Vintage Photos of Brides Before 1900.” TheMindCircle, 25 Dec. 2019, themindcircle.com/victorian-wedding-fashion/.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftrc-leiden.nl%2Ftrc-needles%2Findividual-textiles-and-textile-types%2Fsecular-ceremonies-and-rituals%2Fqueen-victorias-wedding-lace&psig=AOvVaw1acQvgw0TGlX9MgDuZ4LJg&ust=1581442118741000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAMQjB1qFwoTCOiGlJbBx-cCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAO
https://daily.jstor.org/englands-obsession-with-queen-victorias-wedding-cake/
